Gone too soon.....

Wow it's been far too long since  I wrote here. The thought had occurred to me several times over the past few months that I should either update or just delete the whole blog and forget about it but as usual I kept putting it off. That's my biggest flaw, the reason why I have missed out on so much, the reason why I am full of regrets....Procrastination...., and why the last couple of days I have been sad,.. and angry with myself.

Gone too soon....words of a song by Michael Jackson are going around in my head. I wasn't a big fan of Michael Jackson, but those words resonate. Early on Sunday morning one of my closest friends died. Gloria and I had been friends since we first met in 1967. It was during my second year living in Canada and she was the first person in my new country to become my friend. Up till that point there were aquaintances but no firm friendship. I missed my friends, especially my best friend whom I've known from childhood, back in England and I was lonely wondering if I had done the right thing by coming to Canada, a country which I had always wanted to come to, but only knew a handful of people.....my Aunt Nancy and a family who had been our neighbours and had emigrated the year before me.

The first year in Canada I lived in London, Ontario, a city about half an hour drive from Stratford, where my Aunt lived. I liked my job in a drug store, but found it hard to make friends, so in 1967 while visiting my Aunt one weekend I saw an advertisment recruiting staff for a new department store opening up in Stratford. I applied for, and got a job, and a few weeks later moved to Stratford. I was put to work in the health and beauty department and became friends with Pauline, the department supervisor, but she was married and so we were mainly work mates, social life was still quiet. Then one day Gloria who had started work in the store's main office, asked me if I wanted to come out with her and group of fellow workers for a drink after work, and I gladly accepted the invitation. That was the start of our close friendship which continued till this past Sunday when she passed suddenly with a heart attack at the age of 62....Gone too soon....

Gloria in 1969


We shared some fun memories. We were room mates for a few years. First in Stratford, then in London, (both in Ontario). In London we were joined by Sue, another recent immigrant from London, England. Through good times and bad we never had an argument. When in 1974 I married my husband Richard,...Gloria was my maid of honour, and as a wedding gift she made me my dress. Richard and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary today (March 16) and toasted Gloria with a glass of Vodka and Tonic.....something I know she would appreciate, we were both Vodka girls (although we did enjoy many a glass of wine together).

Andrea, Sue and Gloria, in 1977

In recent years Gloria had many medical problems. First it was high blood pressure, followed by Diabetes, Asthma and Arthritis. She had never married and so lived alone after Sue married in 1989. (She and Sue had continued to be room mates after I moved out to be with Richard) By that time she was in Toronto, a city she loved. Eventually she had to go onto Disability Pension as she could no longer work. However it didn't stop her from continuing to help others. She loved to help older people especially and had become a loving companion to an Aunt and at the same time managed to help out older neighbours by doing their grocery shopping, running errands or cooking for them. At the expense of her own health she continued to do this right up till the day she entered hospital in early March to have a knee replacement surgery. Even though she came through the surgery successfully, an infection developed a week or so later, and this past weekend she was re-admitted to hospital with dangerous low blood sugar levels and high blood pressure.
In the early hours of Sunday the loving heart of my dear friend could not go on.....and she passed.

Over the last couple of days I have deeply regretted not making the effort to go to Toronto and visit Gloria for two or three years, and was so neglectful of our friendship. (Knowing she could not make the long drive herself anymore) Yes I can make excuses. We were busy with our store, we couldn't afford it, we had other things to do.....where does the time go, ....phone calls yes, but not quite the same as sitting with a person, the hugs, the laughs, the sharing of memories, the female chatter, shopping together...sharing a meal.....
I miss you already Gloria! I wish I could tell you how sorry I am that I didn't make that extra effort. Rest in peace dear friend.

Gloria Silbernagel...... Aug. 28th 1947 to March 14th 2010          Gone too soon.......

Nancy

Photos, Nancy aged 17. With her Dad (my Grandfather) in 1961

Nancy was my Aunt and Godmother and she would have been been celebrating her 93rd birthday today if she was still alive. She was born July 19th, 1916, and was named, Annie Storey Kennedy. She was named after her Grandmother (my Grandfather's mother) ...whose name before marriage to William Kennedy was Annie Storey. From a very young age Annie became 'Nancy' as it was till the day she died. She was born two months premature and weighed only a couple of pounds at birth! In those days such premature births were not expected to live, but she was nurtured by her Mother and Grandmother. Her cot was a drawer from a dresser, and she was kept warm by the fire and fed tiny drops of Whisky along with the breast milk and she survived to become a healthy robust woman who was rarely sick!

Nancy was the eldest of three daughters. My mother was born 18 months after Nancy, and the youngest daughter, Ellie, was born seven years later. She was always a very bright person, but somewhat reserved and a little shy therefore while my mother enjoyed herself and was sociable and had many friends, Nancy preferred to stay home and had just a few close friends. My Grandmother was not a healthy person and therefore relied on her oldest daughter to help her in the house, and she was also expected to help her Grandmother with her chores. Her ambition was to become a Nurse.

When at only age 16 her mother died, Nancy left work (she had gone to work as a housemaid), and took up the responsibility of managing the house, cooking, cleaning etc, and also looking after Ellie who was only seven years old at the time. She had inherited her mother's talent for sewing (my Grandmother was a trained seamstress), and made all the clothing for both her sisters and even made a suit for my Grandfather! My mother used to tell me of how she and her best friend would beg my Aunt Nancy to make them dresses for special dances they wanted to go to, with very little warning, and Nancy would rise to the challange and proudly send them off in their fancy clothes!

Two years after her mother died, her father re-married and so Nancy was now free to choose whatever she wanted to do in life. She decided to pursue her ambition to become a Nurse. Leaving home at age 18 to move to London for training. Except for about a six month period a few years later, she never lived at home again. A couple of years after graduating, she decided she wanted to see more of the World, and she embarked on a journey that would evenutally take her literally around the World!

Nancy and one of her close friends took up posts in Trinidad on a two year Government contract. At that time Trinidad was still a British Colony and many British nurses spent some of their career on the island. After Trinidad it was on to Canada, first in Toronto, then six months later across to Alberta, spending one year in Calgary, then it was on to the Yukon. This was where Nancy and her friend parted company as after two years the friend married and settled in the Yukon, but Nancy was on her way to more adventures! She travelled around the West Coast of Canada and the States for a few months, then set off from San Francisco to Hong Kong where she was to live for 18months. Other places followed, New Zealand (time spent working in both North and South islands), Australia (three different towns) for two years, and finally Sri Lanka (Ceylon as it was known back then) before finally coming home to England with intentions of staying. I remember the excitement of her coming home. It had been a long time since we had seen her, and I remember running to my Grandparents house and she was at the top of the stairs as I went in and I literally ran into her arms and still remember the hugs and the sweet smell of her perfume, and the rustling of her clothes....which she had made herself. She looked wonderful, and as always, was in full make up. Even when not going anywhere, just staying home, there was always the lipstick and rouge and hair beautifully done!

The 'home to stay' plans didn't work out. She got a job, but was bored. Finally she decided that she was coming back to Canada. After contemplating which country she had liked best, she decided that on the whole, Canada had been the best to her! She emigrated to Alberta, a place she loved, and settled in Lethbridge, but not before she spent some time in Northern Alberta! Lethbridge (south of Calgary and near the border) became her home for the next five or more years. Then when I was thinking of coming to Canada, she decided to move to Ontario (thinking that I would like it better than Alberta) and settled in Stratford where she finally did settle down and lived there till shortly before her death in 1999. She loved Stratford. She loved the culture of the town. The Shakespearan Festival every year was the height of her social life. She loved theatre, music, and books. She bought a house, and she worked at the local hospital. The last ten years of her working career was spent in the ER. Although it was harrowing a lot of the time, she loved her work. She was a good nurse. She never married, and I don't think she even regretted that as her career came first. I always think that was a shame as she would have made a wonderful wife and mother to someone. She continued to travel a lot. Holidays to Europe, including Russia, Switzerland, France, and to Hawaii, and many of the United States. She loved expensive, quality products and so she bequeathed me some beautiful things after she died, including a Persian rug, and a Grandfather clock,...items I treasure.

She was a lady who stood for no nonsense. Practical and down to earth with a great sense of humour. Talented with her hands. She sewed, knitted and embroidered, loved music....especially Classical and Opera, but her greatest joy came with the theatre. She often said that in another life she would have liked to have been an actress!

Sadly in the early 90's she was diagnosed with Alzeihmers Disease, and gradually she left us. It was the hardest thing to watch. By the time she died in March 1999, with Colon Cancer, she hadn't spoken for over a year, did not recognise anyone...including me....and was bedridden. Her death was a blessing in disguise as she was now out of pain, and I know that had she known that this terrible disease had overtaken her life, she would have wanted to end it. I was with her at the end. Her two younger sisters had gone before her, my mother in 1997, Aunt Ellie in 1998, then six months later, Nancy. I was her only relative there, and at the funeral as I was her only relative in Canada. One of the things that stays with me that day is the nurse who was in the room with me. When she realised that Nancy was close to the end, she gently stroked her hair and kept repeating in a soft voice "Follow the light Nancy, follow the light.....". I would hope for a gentle passing like that for everyone.

I still miss her, but I have her around me. Photos, mementos, and every time I hear the Grandfather clock striking. Rest in peace dear Aunt.

Sold!

So it's done. We sold our house this week and we close on Sept.1st. I can't say I'm happy about it, just very mixed feelings. We ended up losing a LOT of money on this deal, but with the market the way it is in this area right now, we have to be grateful for small mercies that we even managed to sell it! Almost every house that has sold in recent months, no matter what the value, the area it's in, the condition etc, has sold way below the assessed value, and I doubt if anyone has made money on their sales. Some may have at least come out even...but we didn't even do that! Our house sold for over $20,000 LESS than what we paid for it just four years ago! I can't think about it too much as it makes me sick to my stomach.

So this means that we won't have as much cash coming out of this as we had hoped. Yes the bank will be paid off, but there will be little left over to do the things we had planned on. It does mean though that we can now begin to look forward and get on with our lives, and hopefully this is the start of a new beginning........but being the pessimist that I am, my inner voice keeps nagging at me that it feels more like the "beginning of the end".......the end of what? The last chapter in our lives I guess. I had hoped for a better ending, so we will have to do our darndest to create a better ending! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would end up living in Leamington for probably the rest of my life on earth. I don't know where I thought I was going to end up....I know where I feel I should be.......and it's not in Canada, or at least not in this part of Canada!

Some days I just can't stand myself. I bitch and complain way too much. It's not good for me, or for my husband. I don't know why he has put up with me for so many years. I try to look on the positive side, I really do, and I am grateful for what I have......but is it so bad to want more? I dwell on the past far too much, I wish I didn't. Maybe once we've moved I can try to live more for the present and the future. At least I am planning in my mind what I want to do with the house we're moving to. It's going to be a busy few weeks, and a busy few months to follow but maybe that's all part of God's plan.

On the move again

We're on the move again! How many times is this we have moved since my husband and I married?.....hmmm...about ten times, this will be the eleventh! Add to that the fact that I moved a few times before I met my husband, and he had moved two or three times also,...does this make us nomads?! lol This time the circumstances that have lead up to the move are more complex but no less stressful, in fact I would say more stress than either of us have ever experienced! Too long a story to go into detail, so the short version is, we're moving into my Mother-in-Law's house after she moves out into a small Condo apartment! Because of the aftermath of us closing our store and being in debt, my mother-in-law has been more than generous in helping us to deal with our situation. When the opportunity came up for her to buy the Condo (something she had been thinking about doing for a few months) she decided to go for it and offered her house to us! This means that when we sell our house we can clear all of our debts and begin to enjoy retirement! The house will still be in her name, but for all intents and purposes we will be free to live in and decorate as we see fit! The bonus is a beautiful garden, her pride and joy which I will enjoy taking care of. She will be living about a ten minute walk from us so when the day eventually comes when she can no longer drive we will be there for her. The house itself will be in her will, left to her three sons (my husband is the oldest) and when that day comes we will all decide what is the best plan, but for now, we will have a lovely home, debt free and in a small town not far from the city. A town which we both really like. Things are definately looking up! On top of that, Richard finally got his his Disability Pension! He received a lump sum payment going back three years to the day he first applied! Then today the first of monthly payments was in the bank! Now the biggest hurdle to overcome is selling our house! We have it up for sale, but in this very bad economy there are not many buyers out there. Many houses are on the market, and a lot are not selling! We've always had incredible luck in selling previous homes very fast so it feels strange to be in a situation where we know it will take time for that one person to come and want the house. Patience......it was never one of my strongest points! lol

Canada....an anniversary

Today, April 26th, marks 43 years since I stepped onto Canadian soil for the first time in my life! Where on earth has the time gone?! It still feels like it was just a few years ago, yet it's been a lifetime! I remember that day so clearly....April 26th, 1966. I know the exact day because of the little yellow slip of paper that sits in the back of my passport. It's my Landed Immigrant stamped paper saying that I was now a legal resident in Canada! Many changes have occured in my life since then, but nothing can erase that memory and the feeling of excitement as our ship docked in Montreal after a one week sail across the Atlantic. I'm glad I came by ship. It was a gradual realization that I was actually on my way to a new life. I think a seven hour flight by plane would not have given the same feeling. The morning we docked at Montreal it was a crisp beautiful Spring morning.....but there was also a thin coating of ice on the decks of the ship and a lot of us went sliding and crashing across to the other side of the ship! LOL Welcome to Canada! I should write more about my introduction to Canada but will leave that for another post. In the meantime I will just say that overall I'm happy to be in this country and at the same time, proud of being from England.